History Repeats Itself
by Cross
Summary: Based on Airelle Vilka's 'Winter Once Again' from Snape's POV. Forgive me if Snape seems uncharacteristic.


History Repeats Itself

History Repeats Itself

Disclaimer:I own none of these characters.Airelle belongs Airelle Vilka.The story portrays Snape's thoughts right before Airelle Vilka's 'Winter Once Again'.To find out what's percolating through that slimy mind, read on!

Snape: I resent that!

*Shut up and be glad I wrote about you!*

Snape: That's nothing to be gl-mphrofjash!

*Now, back to our original program…*

Chapter I: Dinner

" Are you quite all right, Severus? " Professor McGonagall asked.I was so startled by her concern that I stopped picking at the shepherd's pie on my plate.It was not unusual for me to eat lightly but I had a penchant for shepherd's pie.

Then, remembering that I had been addressed, I answered with a wan smile, " I assure you, I am quite all right…Minerva. "

It was not the first time I had hesitated when calling her by her first name and I had thought she would smirk as usual and turn away, pleased by the inherent respect I still held for her.I had never considered myself one of her favorite students back then and neither did she, I suppose, but I had some respect for her. 

I realized she still looked concerned and insisted, " I'm fine, really I am. "

" He looks quite healthy to me, Minerva, " said a low voice from across the table.

I winced and I noticed that Professor McGonagall's right eyebrow was twitching as she said calmly, " Well, if he is not, I am sure you already knew, Sybill. "

" Oh, no, I have seen nothing particularly dangerous in my crystal ball for dear Severus, " Professor Trelawney said cheerfully.I winced again.

" Although if I may ask, are you expecting a visitor, Severus? "Her tone indicated that she would be offended if I did not answer.

" No, " I answered back, slightly raising my voice so she could hear me, and adding under my breath, " save for indigestion, that is. "

I thought I heard a snicker and then a loud cough disguised it as Hagrid asked, " Prof-I mean, Severus, would you happen to have an elixir for Fluffy?He's been feeling a bit under the weather and throwing up hairballs, you know. "

Though several others at the table winced at such a topic of discussion at dinner, I was for once grateful to the former gamekeeper.

" I'll have it for you within two days, Hagrid, " I promised." In fact, why don't I get started on it now?"

I bid a good night to all at the table and hurriedly left before I was pressed into more uncomfortable conversation.I heard a protest being made and then abruptly squelched.I smiled rather sinisterly.Really, one should be careful when sitting next to the Professor of Transfiguration.

As I headed for my room, I bumped into a girl.I was about to reprimand her when I really saw her.

For a moment, just one millisecond, I thought it was she.But then the memories of the past cleared and I saw the differences.She was slight of frame, yes, but her hair a very light shade of blonde not white and she had some freckles across her cheek.But there was something about the way she looked at me, a mixture of fear and yet defiance in her gaze…

I choked on the reprimand and quickly turned away before she could see the expression on my face.No doubt she would have quite a story to tell House Gryffindor. 

Chapter II: Witching Hour

I finished the elixir shortly after the clock struck one.I was used to late hours and little sleep although more than two nights in a row was somewhat unusual for someone who was no longer a studious student here.

But then, that was never my arena.I closed my eyes and swore as I carefully set the beaker down before I spilled the accursed thing.

For several years now I had succeeded in keeping those memories at bay.Indeed, that iron control had served me well.But lately, the dreams had been coming back more frequently and the memories were so clear, so vivid that I was hard-put not to run to the secret chamber as soon as I woke up, to go and talk with her.

I was not by nature an emotional person, at least not towards the soft, sentimental extreme.I had learned that from my parents.Adrian and Isis Snape, the greatest couple of their time.Theirs was an unusual match, considering it had been prearranged.Both pure-blooded with centuries of wizards and witches on both sides, both of noble blood, yet two people who fell in love the first day they saw each other.I had heard the story many times.

Despite what I have done and am doing, mine is an old lineage, one that is not well-known for my ancestors have always stood in the background, always helping the way of the light, always great, always from Hogwarts save for a few who were sent to foreign schools and even those ended up sending their children to Hogwarts.

My parents were quite prepared for my birth.They enrolled me for Hogwarts only a few days after I was born.They hired the best caretakers for me.They were the perfect parents except that they were never there.

I cannot blame them nor hate them for that.They were so much in love, so much the model of wedded bliss for those of their generation and station.Their love, so pure, could not hold anything outside of each other.

They were there for my birthdays, for celebrations.They even made an appearance at my graduation.But I can count on my fingers the times they hugged me, either of them.I cannot recall my mother ever holding me, my father ever teaching me to ride my first broomstick.They left it to an au pair and a famous Quidditch player from Germany.

Regardless of this, I was proud of them.Yet that pride could not sustain me when I watched my friends getting owls from worried parents, being picked up during vacation, hearing their parents greet them with loving words and pride or sometimes chastisement.

Reflecting on the matter, I suppose I would not have minded years' worth of chastisement if only for the fact that it was a sign that they knew I was there.

Perhaps I am being too bitter about it.But it is too late for amends.They died in each others' arms two years ago.

So I had grown up, my only contact outside of servants and house elves with others of my class, like Lucius Malfoy.Was it any surprise that I had called Airelle a Mudblood that first day?

Again, my thoughts had turned towards her.I tried to convince myself that it was only the carefree days of my years as a student, rather than a professor, that I was being nostalgic about.But for the first time in my life, I was no longer in control.

The things I had noticed, the things I had noticed too late.

How her hair blazed in sunlight and glowed in darkness, the way she moved with this easy grace like she could go out and conquer the world, the way her eyes could display emotion or see into yours, the way she smiled and ah, Merlin, that laugh of hers…I bit my lower lip savagely and bent to cork the elixir.I nearly spilled it all as I whirled around, sure that someone, that particular someone, had called my name.But it was nothing save the voice in my own head.I shook my head, finished corking the elixir, and changed into my sleeping robes.Even as I laid down on the bed, I knew sleep would not come to me this night, either.

_" Snape, hurry up or we'll miss the Quidditch match! "_

_" Come on, now is your chance to show me all those places you've been boasting about in Hogsmeade and you are standing there like a stick in the mud! "_

_" I guess dancing is not so bad, is it? "_

_"Snape, by the Wand of Hermes, what-Snape? Snape!Madame Pomfrey!Snape, come on, wake up, Snape, you'll be all right.Snape, don't you dare do this, stay here, stay with me, or else I swear, I'll fetch you out from the other side myself! "_

_" Severus…why?Why?Tell me why you did this! "_

Again and again, the times we had shared flashed through my mind, like a train going in circles.I shut my eyes but could not will it to slow down, much less stop.

Was there some reason for this or have I just gone insane?

Chapter III: Face to Face

" Severus! " a voice called out to me after my last class.Worn out by a day's worth of mostly useless attempts to inform weak-minded students of the values of Potions, I was tempted to snarl something vile in reply.But then the owner of the voice registered in my head and I sighed.

In my best civil voice, I answered, " Yes, Headmaster Dumbledore? "

He had been Headmaster in my day as well but I never had as much contact with him as I did now.That was more around James Potter's bend and his troop, Loopy, Sirius, all those buffoons.They were nothing but flatterers, the whole lot of them.Yet those fools had had more luck in one week than I had received practically my whole life.Not that I would trade my life for any of theirs.Not even Dumbledore could convince me to do that.The gall from Black's successful escape still stung my memory.

" Tell me, how do you find your students? " Dumbledore asked pleasantly.Though I had smirked when Malfoy had suggested that I be Headmaster, I knew then and know now that no one alive today can match Dumbledore.He has the experience and an air about him that makes people feel at ease, unlike myself.I take great delight in watching people squirm under my gaze.

" The same as ever, " I replied." Longbottom's fumbled with the dragonsbane and nearly asphyxiated everyone with the smoke and those ghastly twins, Fred and George Weasley, have succeeded in disrupting their class and mine once again with one of their parlor tricks. "

" Ah, yes, I heard Gambol and Japes offered to see their home-made wares, " Dumbledore said sagely.He always knew what was going on, with an adeptness that often irritated me.

I still remembered my first year in Hogwarts, after all, it was not that long ago.One little incident among little first-years and the man is already waiting with a solution.Looking back on it, I had to admit his decision was wise but to think of the results, one of them being that I had encountered the only person who could make my heart race, make me laugh and infuriate me all in the same moment.

" How did you feel about seeing your old friends? " the Headmaster asked me abruptly.I was so startled that I nearly fell back against a Suit of Armor, which roughly shoved me back into the middle of the hallway.

" What exactly do you mean, Headmaster? " I asked.I had a feeling I already knew what he was going to say.

" I mean your encounter with Remus and Sirius?A class reunion, wouldn't you say? "

I paused mentally as I tried to think of something to say which would not sound vengeful.

" It was interesting to be sure, Headmaster. "I did not look at him but out of the corner of my eye, I caught him shaking his head, almost ruefully.

" I apologize, Severus, I forgot your differences with them as well as James and House Gryffindor.Although there were people outside your House who you had contact with, did you not? "

That was the second time I had thought of her today.If this went on, I would end up as lost as those souls in Azkaban.Even as I thought this, an inner voice whispered that it was a lie for it was seeing her that had made me forsake what I thought I would stand beside always. 

" Yes, there was, " I said.If he noted my voice was unusually hoarse, he said nothing of it.I noticed that we were walking down an unfamiliar hallway.

" Headmaster, pardon my being frank, but is there something you wanted to talk to me about? " I asked, wondering at what this was all about.

"Actually, I just thought we would take a walk, " he said cheerfully.

" I see, " I said, having no other recourse.

All of this was very puzzling.Normally, the subject was brought up immediately and taken care of just as quickly and with very little debate.There were no walks, no talks, nothing like that.So why was he doing this now?

Suddenly, we stopped in front of a certain door and then it all came together.This was the first room I had spent time in here at Hogwarts, as a student.

I closed my eyes, recalling a little girl's inquiry, a teenage girl's friendship, a young woman's tears.My question was little more than a whisper.

" Why, Headmaster? "

" You forged something here in this room when you first came to Hogwarts.In that time between then and now, you have endured many things and borne many wounds.I ask that you now bring yourself to heal and begin living again.It's not fun you being a wet blanket all the time, my friend. "

My eyes flew open as I regarded his smiling countenance.He was indeed forthright and sincere about everything he had just said, even the term he called me by.

" I do not forget how much I owe you, Headmaster, " I began, " but I- "

He raised a hand to interrupt me then lowered it and opened the door.I was not surprised that the bolts did not squeak.

He walked in and I moved to follow him.There was someone there but I could not see whom or what just yet as my eyes adjusted to the lighting.

When my vision cleared, I blinked and then stood stock-still.

The figure, now opposite me as Dumbledore moved to the side, also froze.There were so many things I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to tell her, but my feet stood as if they had taken root in the stone floor.

Then the impact of the years we had spent apart hit me, as well as the different paths we had taken, and I was suddenly afraid.

As if sensing my fear, Albus Dumbledore said pleasantly, " I will leave you two now to discuss your differences and will see you tomorrow at breakfast. "

He left, shutting the door behind him.

The only sound that could be heard was the breathing of two very stunned people.

She was here.

Now what was I going to do?


End file.
